Sometimes, aislings wonder,
"how can I be witty?" The answer is somewhat complicated.
Wit finds it's origins in a bar in Piet,
where Ms. Debate Skills, Mr. Biting Sarcasm, and a rather commendable
quantity of alcohol met one fateful night. While it could hardly be
described as love at first sight, it was most certainly a case of lust
by third drink.
Wit is the art of coming up with a pithy, relevant
remark on the spot. Sure, one can make pithy remarks ten hours later,
but that's hardly witty. And one can most certainly say something outrageously
idiotic at the drop of a hat, but once again, this would not be witty.
This would probably be more along the lines of the admission requirements
of certain ambitious guilds.
As with so many other things, wit is best learned
by example. So, let us go to examples.
Wuhao: Eygman, I've got to say that this banishment
report is among the most poorly written things ever to curse our language.
It's an insult to the language skills of our race.
HomEygman: If you come from a race, my friend, I'm afraid you
As you can see, Hom had a swift reply. But a large
part of wit is showing how much smarter you are than everyone. Your
words must emphasize this.
HomEygman: u lose the race. sorry.
Good. Hom caught on quickly that smart people don't
have time for unnecessary words or syllables. But he lacks a certain
presence that would complete the effect..
hOmEyGmAn: u lose sorry
Excellent! Hom has further improved by dropping
more unnecessary words, and a far less known time waster -- Pauses.
Yes, notice that he dropped the pause before 'sorry'. The listener,
including myself, cannot help but be awestruck by the Man-God hOmEyGmAn
who cannot be bothered with such trivialities as complete sentences,
or indeed, complete words.
But what do we do if you cannot think of a witty
reply off the top of your head? Truly an embarrassing scenario! But
thanks to the beautiful spark of creativity given to aislings by Deoch,
we have come up with a solution.
Guard: You're banished.
Witty guy: ur gay
Did you see that? All you have to do is copy what
was said, then substitute any words for something in counter to what
they said. If your mind draws a complete blank and cannot think of a
counter, you may fall back on another refined aisling tactic: Random
Victim: No, sorry.
You: u better b sorry u stupid dog kicking moron
Keep this barrage up until you finally come up with
something. As long as your victim is stunned, he cannot leave.
Wit has traditionally been considered a complex
subject. But now, thanks to Deoch's spark, people have refined and whittled
it down to these tactics. Now armed with these tactics, you are versed
in the fine art of contemporary Temuairan wordplay.
If you wish a degree, please present 100,000 gold
coins to me.
Wuhao Iosef Mythrin