The Hao of Wu ;-)...sorry, I couldn't resist


Sometimes, aislings wonder, "how can I be witty?" The answer is somewhat complicated.

Wit finds it's origins in a bar in Piet, where Ms. Debate Skills, Mr. Biting Sarcasm, and a rather commendable quantity of alcohol met one fateful night. While it could hardly be described as love at first sight, it was most certainly a case of lust by third drink.

Wit is the art of coming up with a pithy, relevant remark on the spot. Sure, one can make pithy remarks ten hours later, but that's hardly witty. And one can most certainly say something outrageously idiotic at the drop of a hat, but once again, this would not be witty. This would probably be more along the lines of the admission requirements of certain ambitious guilds.

As with so many other things, wit is best learned by example. So, let us go to examples.

Wuhao: Eygman, I've got to say that this banishment report is among the most poorly written things ever to curse our language. It's an insult to the language skills of our race.
HomEygman: If you come from a race, my friend, I'm afraid you lose.

As you can see, Hom had a swift reply. But a large part of wit is showing how much smarter you are than everyone. Your words must emphasize this.

HomEygman: u lose the race. sorry.

Good. Hom caught on quickly that smart people don't have time for unnecessary words or syllables. But he lacks a certain presence that would complete the effect..

hOmEyGmAn: u lose sorry

Excellent! Hom has further improved by dropping more unnecessary words, and a far less known time waster -- Pauses. Yes, notice that he dropped the pause before 'sorry'. The listener, including myself, cannot help but be awestruck by the Man-God hOmEyGmAn who cannot be bothered with such trivialities as complete sentences, or indeed, complete words.

But what do we do if you cannot think of a witty reply off the top of your head? Truly an embarrassing scenario! But thanks to the beautiful spark of creativity given to aislings by Deoch, we have come up with a solution.

Guard: You're banished.
Witty guy: ur gay

Did you see that? All you have to do is copy what was said, then substitute any words for something in counter to what they said. If your mind draws a complete blank and cannot think of a counter, you may fall back on another refined aisling tactic: Random insults.

Victim: No, sorry.
You: u better b sorry u stupid dog kicking moron

Keep this barrage up until you finally come up with something. As long as your victim is stunned, he cannot leave.

Wit has traditionally been considered a complex subject. But now, thanks to Deoch's spark, people have refined and whittled it down to these tactics. Now armed with these tactics, you are versed in the fine art of contemporary Temuairan wordplay.

If you wish a degree, please present 100,000 gold coins to me.

Wuhao Iosef Mythrin

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