We need pirates
have shown that our culture is depressingly lacking of pirates. When
queried, 9/10 temuairian boys under the age of 12 did not understand
what was meant by the phrase, "ARR, MATEY, PUT UP YOUR HANDS AND
SURRENDER YOUR BOOTY, AND PREPARE TO BE BOARDED!"
All but twelve of the boys, however, began snickering
or laughing at the phrase, some describing the phrase as "homosexual."
Indeed, it has been discovered that no aislings
are terrified by the thought of crossing the seas due to the risk of
piracy. In point of fact, there is no risk of piracy -- Over the past
20 deoches, approximately 0 ships have been pillaged and/or sunk by
Temuair is spiralling toward a tragic state
of having no pirates at all. A culture without pirates is a culture
without absurdly dressed men shouting "ARRR" a lot and sustaining
themselves solely on rum and whatever they stole today.
At first glance, this does not appear to be
a big loss. However, interviews showed that the commonfolk miss pirates.
Wuhao: Would you enjoy being raided by pirates
on your way to Abel and being stripped of all your belongings, and possibly
Wuhao: Would you enjoy being robbed blind by
pirates and forced to walk the plank to die a death by drowning in icy
Man: Hmmm...I think I would...
Wuhao: Hey, would you mind if pirates intercepted
you while you were sailing to or from Rucesion and robbed your ship
and killed most of those on board, possibly including yourself?
Woman: I would love it :)
Wuhao: Sheihuang, would you mind if pirates raided
you while you sailed home, robbed you of everything you own, tortured
you for their own amusement for hours, and then left you to die in the
Man: [Well, that's hard to say since I don't
k]no[w what it's like],[so I suppose] I [would have to try it first
to see if I liked it, now] wouldn't [I?]
The voice is clear. People want to be raided
Wuhao Iosef Mythrin