My deep light secret

 

I remember now.

It came back to me all in the flash of his beautiful smile. All my mundane life, I realise now, can be summed up in one word - Thibault.

We were young together, Thibault and I, there in Piet in the shadow of the great castle. We were happy. I called him T. He called me Annie. We knew nothing of Chadul or Sgrios, or of evil or injustice. We weren't like anyone else we knew. Friends of the serpent and the frog, the wind and the rain, the tiny flowers off the path, the overlooked things, the rejected things, the little things. We loved them so...he always said he wanted to serve them, to protect them...and now he protects the king himself.

I went to Loures today to explore. We both dreamed about exploring far-off places, finding wild exotic things, maybe even a place where we were allowed to be free, to be ourselves, and be understood. I wonder if he has ever left Piet. I wonder if he ever leaves the castle now. I follow Luathas' light wherever it leads me...a light T cannot see.

His parents were minor nobles - the king had granted them land to farm. My parents were dead since before I can remember. I was raised there by an old couple who had no children...they owned the land before Thibault's family, and his parents allowed them to stay in their little house there, with the little patch of vegetables and the little grove of trees, when they had to sell the land after a bad harvest. His parents were always very kind...they did not treat me differently although I was not a noble daughter. I can remember all the days we spent together playing by the pond after our chores were done. I remember being gently chided for running wild in the fields with him. And we would laugh, because even though they didn't understand our bond, we had each other, and that was enough.

And then I remember when we were about 12 Deochs old, they told us we must be grown-up now. He was sent away to learn to be a soldier, a good nobleman as his father was. That same Deoch my good "aunt" died, and my "uncle" followed her shortly after, unable to remain on Earth without his soulmate. Without a family and without a name or a fortune I was sent off to work. His mother had friends in Mileth...she had been born there. She helped me find work planting flowers around the church and tidying and mending anything that needed a little touch. I cried for Thibault for many moons. I did not fully realise why I missed him so then...I knew only that I had lost my dearest friend, and with him, the life I loved. I tried to write to him but I could not know how. I tried to look for him but I knew not where to even begin. And then one day, I felt the light, the light that all Aislings experience, the light that changes life forever.

I see him now, in the throne room at Loures. How he has changed, grown. And yet in his eyes still I see the spark, the light I knew so many Deochs ago...the curious sparkle as his gaze darts to the door to see who or what is passing through today. He is so charming, always, to the people he meets. I hesitate to leave, I stay near him in the hopes that he will look into my face and see that it is his Annie who stands before him now. But he does not. I am just another of the countless faces of priests and wizards and bards and nobles and rogues and monks and peasants and officials who pass through Loures each day.

My T. How I long to tell him of all I have seen and done and heard in my life as an Aisling. All of his hard work, all of the energy he placed into following his heart and his dreams has been fruitful. He has risen to a place of honour in the court, and he has done so without sacrificing himself. I can see in him Ceannalaidir's strength, Luathas' wisdom, Fiosachd's keenness, Cail's serenity, Deoch's love, Giloca's compassion... truly he is a son of Danaan. And yet the light of Aislinghood has not touched him...he remains in the mundane world, unable to see or understand my new life.

I do not regret the gift of Aislinghood. Truly it is a wonderful thing, to see in this way and to help others with my gifts. I love to heal, to pray, to join couples in love and marriage, to create life-giving potions, to travel throughout Temuair, spreading Luathas' light to all. And yet, how I wish, more than anything, that Thibault could share all this with me. There is nothing I would not give to tell him of all the wonderful things I have seen and heard and done, to have him accompany me on my travels - to see the same look of joy on his face that I remember seeing when I would show him a new cave or bird or flower I had found, the special feeling that only I could bring.

For this is my great secret: I am an Aisling who loves a mundane. Am I a disgrace to all Aislings? I know not, though I fear so. I know only that I can no longer keep this powerful emotion in my heart a secret from the world. I must profess it to free my soul. I know that love is a good thing, and in my heart I know that Thibault is worthy beyond compare despite his place as a mundane. I know that I have loved him since the first day we met, and always loved him, with a love that has grown more with each moment.

For I remember now, I remember everything...it came back to me, all in the flash of his beautiful smile.

 

For Thibault

EireAnn de Balthasar,
Priestess of Luathas