Conclusive conclusions to many years of research by Temuair's top wizard scholars have been finally obtained, which prove undeniably a fact that was only known unofficially beforehand, but can now be flaunted shamelessly by all Milethians, backed by hardcore scientific evidence: Mileth potatoes are superior in every possible way to Rucesion potatoes.

This research, begun in Grinneal 22000, during the Fourth Aeon of Innocence, has continued up until a double-moon ago, upon which date the modern-day leader of the Agricultural Foreign Policy, Research, and Quality Control Department of the Loures Council of Potato Elders declared that, in terms of texture, quantity, size, taste, color, severity of rot per annum, and general potato-goodness factor, Mileth potatoes were approximately 645.98% superior to the potatoes grown in the province of Rucesion, far to the southeast. After biting into a raw Mileth potato, he also announced, quite loudly: "My! This tastes quite superior to the previous potatoes which I have consumed! This potato which I have bitten into is a perfect exemplar of the finger-licking goodness of those fine Milethian spuds! Give me some more now or I'm beheading the lot of you".

The leader of the AFPRQCD was unavailable for further, updated commentary afterwards since, having forgotten to cook his potato, he is suffering of severe indigestion and excruciating bowel cramps as of press time.

The excellent Mileth potatoes are generally attributed to the equally excellent potato-suitable climate of the fertile fields of Mileth, as opposed to the not-so-fertile concrete streets of Rucesion, which farmers have great trouble sowing and fertilizing.

One problem has arisen from these superior potatoes however, and that is Rucesion's upsurge in compensatory nationalism. To make up for their incipient, tasteless potatoes, the Rucesionese have taken to regularly raiding Mileth fields and mashing the potatoes into a sort of starchy paste, while laughing cruelly and exclaiming "Yaaa-ha-ha!" and the like. Mileth is responding by training its farmers in the art of succubus-summoning, which will have the dual effect of both sedating the field-invading hooligans as well as fertilizing the potato fields with the charred, bloodied remains of their twitching flesh. Moreso, some farmers theorize that this practice will add an exotic, down-south flavor to Mileth potatoes.

For more information about potatoes, send a parchment, by carrier pigeon, to Loures Castle, Council of Potato Elders, Supreme Arch-Administratrix of Interprovincial Horticultural and Agricultural Governance and the Supporting Bureaucracy Thereof or to Donnegal mac Domhnaill, local mundane potato farmer and drunk. This newspaper will in no way be responsible for bodily injury incurred for the Government of Loures condemning your correspondence as unacceptable and, in turn, stretching you on the Rack.

 

A follow-up story--"Rucesion Artichokes Can Kick Mileth Artichokes' Butt Any Day"--can be found on page 3B.

---->Arne Gustaf Swanberg, Rogue of Suomi, b. Danaan 3274.