"Temuair needs a villain"

I borrowed a bit from Swanberg's style for this one. Hope he doesn't mind..

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"Temuair needs a villain,"

by K.R.Dogus,
Washed up, drunken political commentator

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Temuair needs a villain. I tell you Temuair needs a villain because it does. If Temuair did not need a villain, I would not be telling you it did, or else I would be lying. You wouldn't want to call me a liar, would you? That would be baseless slander, for which I would pursue you in the appropriate courts.

Now that we've established that Temuair does, in fact, need a villain, I will proceed to tell you that which you already know: Temuair, much to my dismay, is dreadfully lacking in the villain department. There are certain things it lacks; Among them, a villain.

"Now, now," I hear you ask, "why do we need a villain?" The answer to this is simple. There are different types of needs. The needs of an organization warrant the members to be concerned; The needs of a nation warrant the people to be concerned; The needs of a world warrant everyone to be concerned.

This falls under said 'world' category. Specifically, this need is for a villain. Temuair, our world, needs a villain. Therefore, you and I need a villain.

Now, as anyone with the intelligence of a glass of water can see, we need a villain. [a vomit stain obscures a large section of text] still hear most aislings ask me why we need a villain. I will attempt to translate our need for a villain into your idiotic language of grunts and monosyllabic words.

us need bad dude. world need bad dude so us need bad dude. ugg. are you a bad enough dude to be us bad dude?

Now that we should have covered the ignorant twits visiting us from South Abel, I think I've made my concrete argument clear to everyone, regardless of their level of mental retardation.

In conclusion, we need a villain.

K.R.Dogus
Political commentator

Wuhao

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