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| Issue 2 | (( August 24th 2001)) | As reported by Shilentha |
| Beggar goes insane:
EAST WOODLANDS — East woodlands beggar has gone berserk. After being denied another item, he freaked out, grabbed the adventure board and started bashing random people walking by. Due to his enormous stamina, people had to flee for their lives as many lay unconscious on the path. It took 6 Loures guards to subdue the beggar. He was then brought to the dungeon and was released 6 minutes later due to a miswrite in his arrest document. When being interviewed later he said: 'Th'se Filt' ai't worth givin' my mor armachd too'. Dungeon too gray LOURES — The wizard in the dungeon has demanded flowers to lighten up his prison. The chancellor denied it saying that he wanted to be the flowergirl. After a wide open look from the king and a stunned face from the Loures knight, the chancellor got kicked back into his little hide-out. He cried like a little girl... which isn't very unusual, for people who have seen him. Mad man invents new sport: TEMUAIR — Gerald the barbarian, has invented a new sport. It concerns pigs, cows and other cattle, which are thrown with a catapult over long distances. This new sport called 'cattlebombing' has caused concern among farmers. Fearing that their cattle are being killed and their houses bombarded, they asked Loures for help. The king responded with his usual amazed look and then scratched his sore butt. Bad little boys better locked up in wells then little girls: TEMUAIR— After rigorous test it was seen that bad little boys are best locked up in wells. They tried the same with naughty little girls, but their dresses seemed to make 'm drown too much. Parents agreed that this was the best way to punish them, cause the usual cat'o nine tails was too harsh. Protest was raised and quickly silenced when the first boy went down the well.. Drunk Warriors steal chicken: RUCESION— Yesterday several drunk warriors stole chickens from the chicken farmer down the road. After obviously too much ale, they decided to use the chickens for clubs and tried to knock each other senseless. Quickly the guards ran in and.... joined in, cause they were even more drunk.... Leper colony planned in Deoch 24: TAGOR - A leper colony is planned to be build near Tagor in Deoch 24. If all goes well the leper will be wearing lich robes and asking for chump change. When the mundanes were asked about it they said: 'At least they won't beat us silly like those darn Aislings do >.<'. Gerald came by later to try the new art of "Tagor mundane toss"... which caused several newly opened houses to be closed again... Peasant Revolt: TEMUAIR - Hundreds of peasant came to Mileth and Rucesion square to promote begging. Appalled by the idea of banishment, they demanded that they could whine, beg and harass as much as they wanted and claimed that if Aislings disliked that they could kiss the shiny white ... Guards where called and with wise, strong words (and several clubs) they all got 'persuaded to go home'. Maniac wants Arena painted pink: PIET - As news travels, a man wants the arena painted pink. Jason Pinkey: "I really like pink o'jolly. I mean life is sooo much better when all is pink and cherry." The arena master called Jason a maniac and said if he saw him next time he would run him through. He also stated that running through was done with a sword and not with the thing Jason had in mind. Jason was disappointed... and stated he liked big, buff guys.
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Rucesion
people called cheap
RUCESION — The latest survey revealed that Rucesion people are cheaper then average citizens. They donate less, buy less items in quantity and stash their gold. Although latest reports do say Rucesionese spend much money, it is mainly for personal gain. Opposing forces say that this survey is merely held by Loures to annoy Rucesion people, as they always do.. Cavalry drowns in Mehadi Bard silenced: Meat or vegetables? Missing drinks Aisling bites draco Cavalry drowns in Mehadi.
MEHADI — Loures heavy cavalry drowned in Mehadi Swamp after chasing down a group of Mehadi dwellers. Stories had been heard of the cavalry racing into the swamp for vengeance. They screamed that they Mukuls were to blame for Chadul and they were going to pay. All died, cause in 150 pounds armor, you tend to see the bottom quickly... although, does a swamp have a bottom? Bard silenced: TEMUAIR— Bards from all the land where called to sing of the Loures king greatness. All went well until Jacolyn the young bard sang a song about the large behind of the king. She sang detailed songs about his butt being one with the throne and about his brain been sunk there too. After that the king called the guard, although these were too busy grinning and chuckling silly. The king demanded Jacolyn to be tossed in prison but before the guards could respond, the bard jumped out of the window into the moat. Meat or vegetables?:
What is better: meat or veggies? A harsh debate was called as one group talked about what was better. It even round up into a fight after one of the speakers hit a pro-veggie person in the face with a drumstick. The guards were called but... didn't show up... (lunch time and they were all at the bakery) Missing drinks: Large quantities have gone missing at the same time. The tavern lady is rewarding everyone with evidence concerning the matter. The news has been send to Demagogue Omner he said "*hiccups* Uhhh I have no idea *burp*". Rumors of the demagoguery drinking it all away are denied. Demagoguery spokesperson says "She must have drunk it all herself, everyone knows she been drunk and sleazy ever since her husband vanished". Loures promises an investigation.... Aisling bites draco: An unknown Aisling has been spotted biting a draco. The draco amazingly ran for his life, as the Aisling chased after it. Maniac beast protection group screams outrage. Saying that beasts who slaughter all also have feelings and that we should all love one another.. Sharky the graverobber, for all your needs Got a family member who got buried with the money you wanted? A friend still owing you money? Or just in need of quick cash? Call me; Dubhaimidh castle. Innkeeper seeks waitresses pays well, must be able to withstand pinches and touchy people Buying: Got shovels, pickaxes, etc. for sale? We pay top coin, replies to Axelon miner guild. Trading: Pink warrior seeks buff man for a little swordplay, cheap rates. For sale: Still selling chicken, slightly used... I'm getting married I don't need it anymore... please buy it from me? It is cheap... Rudolf Steiner. (PS: also a goat for sale) |
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