|| News In Brief
OREN ISLAND —
We are here at Oren jewelry shop for a unique
preview of the sparkly ring. This ring - believed
to be quite special - is sold for 7 Million
coins, after an unknown ranger claimed it
was to cheap at the set price of 500,000 coins.
Still people fight over this; it almost seems
like it is the most important wear in the
world? This ring is called a combination of
a signet ring and the common jade ring. Rumours
says it might be enchanted although this not
confirmed. Still,l many gather to get the
few rings available and cheer, while others
weep when they just grabbed that ring too
Man hit by Coconuts:
LYNITH BEACH —
An unknown aisling was today brought to the
healer after several coconuts hit him square
on head. The young warrior claimed he was
walking around searching for his trunks, when
an unknown ball fell from the tree on his
head. Spectators enjoyed the scene and started
to laugh. The young warrior got mad and started
hitting the tree with his shield. A large
pack of nuts fell on his head and after that
he lost his memory and had to be brought to
LOURES/ LYNITH — In the old
days sewers where places to bring certain...
things to and NOT getting certain things out.
Still, times changed and if first Piet sewers
was a small tourist attraction, so does Oren's
sewer have to be seen to believe it. Many
Aislings wander it for fun, adventure, riches
and fame - not to forget the occasional smell
of raw sewage in the morning.
When mundanes were asked about this they claimed
that it was the king's fault, cause he clogged
up the sewer with a huge deposit after a grand
banquet.. Why a dead boy is found in the Piet
sewer..? Perhaps he was the main course?
More animal abuse:
This moon things got worse then ever before.
First we were taught to go out and slay creatures
good and evil. Then we were send out to kick
kobolds, herd goblin to fight 'm and given
a chance to slap mundanes silly in Tagor.
Now a new thing has been taught, slap a golden
floppy with a stick till he goes unconscious
and kidnap 'm. To make things worse why don't
we sell him into slavery for a ring which
|| Top Story
cows: The wasteland mystery solved!
EAST WOODLANDS — Today,
after some research, the wasteland mystery
has been solved. Previously monsters where
blamed for eating this once green field to
oblivion but... Aha! A snake does not eat
plants! A bee only seeks nectar from flowers....
So they blame the grasshoppers, hmmm??? No,
mantises are predators and don't eat plants,
merely insects! So what is it then?
"It" are Mileth cattle ranchers! They used their cows
to herd there and become fat and round, then they sold 'm for
a large amount of gold to the butcher, milk man. All that dung
left behind became toxic after the old alchemist joined in dark
experiments super-growing the cows for quick money. Now people
you understand why a cow exploded in Issue NR 1. Those where
experiments of his grandson trying to rediscover his grandpa's
Pirates statistics versus mundane
Ranger at the
statistics versus mundane moral:
LOURES — 80% of the mundanes
believe pirates are spitting on the sidewalk,
85% of the mundanes claim that pirates walking
the streets during day is a sight not to be
enjoyed. 98% even agree that pirates looting
your house is not a pleasant matter. 99% claim
that pirates abusing your wife and daughter,
murdering your sons and burning your house
down can be agreed to be a bad day indeed.
Still, only 7% say that a pirate slaying an
Aisling is a day for remorse and only 4% believe
an Aisling who gets abused, murdered, robbed,
looted and burned down is a serious matter.
It is believed that Aislings should be more
gentle and kind to mundanes or else they will
rebel! Buy them a beer, some soup or a good
contribution of gold nowadays, to make them
smile and marvel over your generosity.
Sir Henry Dupain, Court Administrator
at the Beach:
LYNITH BEACH — A ranger today
stopped four girls wearing the latest fashion
of beachwear. He claimed they displayed indecent
behavior and started to frisk the girls for
evidence of concealed herbs, spices and shrooms.
A guard was called to an alleged sexual harassment
charge committed by the ranger, but... Oren
bakery had a sell-out of pies, and... well
they are guards, ...I mean *sighs* .
believe me when I tell you she didn't mean
a thing... If tomorrow comes and you are here,
go out and get me a beer... I might be drunk
and smelly but my love is strong and clean...
Lets go out and do it like monkeys do..."
These are a few lines from the latest
hits from Edward the Bard,
now available in a Tavern near you. (Musical
instruments and artists sold separately)
all know it: you are hacking around and then...
darn your belt, necklace or other low durable
item is getting wrecked. Here a cut, there
a slice, and soon they fall apart into dust.
No more! Because now we have Timmy's
Made From Real Crushed Bones, made by four-year-old
native boy in a small shack in the tropics.
Timmy's super glue, if you want something
to stick and don't come off! Also works great
for wood, rope and linen cloth (ill-advised
to be used to hold underwear in place)
your wealth to the guild of pirates, and life
a long and healthy life... that
is the best we can do on such short notice.
I am Spanky the clown and have I got news
for you! Come to your local bakery and buy
clowny brownies. The taste
finger-licking-good! Clowny brownies, cause
they are so great, cause we know what you
(by Shadoel foods company)