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| Issue 7 | (( August 24th 2002)) | As reported by Shilentha |
| Sparkling
Rings:
OREN ISLAND — We are here at Oren jewelry shop for a unique preview of the sparkly ring. This ring - believed to be quite special - is sold for 7 Million coins, after an unknown ranger claimed it was to cheap at the set price of 500,000 coins. Still people fight over this; it almost seems like it is the most important wear in the world? This ring is called a combination of a signet ring and the common jade ring. Rumours says it might be enchanted although this not confirmed. Still,l many gather to get the few rings available and cheer, while others weep when they just grabbed that ring too late. Man hit by Coconuts: LYNITH BEACH — An unknown aisling was today brought to the healer after several coconuts hit him square on head. The young warrior claimed he was walking around searching for his trunks, when an unknown ball fell from the tree on his head. Spectators enjoyed the scene and started to laugh. The young warrior got mad and started hitting the tree with his shield. A large pack of nuts fell on his head and after that he lost his memory and had to be brought to the healer. Sewer tourism: LOURES/ LYNITH — In the old days sewers where places to bring certain... things to and NOT getting certain things out. Still, times changed and if first Piet sewers was a small tourist attraction, so does Oren's sewer have to be seen to believe it. Many Aislings wander it for fun, adventure, riches and fame - not to forget the occasional smell of raw sewage in the morning. When mundanes were asked about this they claimed that it was the king's fault, cause he clogged up the sewer with a huge deposit after a grand banquet.. Why a dead boy is found in the Piet sewer..? Perhaps he was the main course? More animal abuse: TEMUAIR — This moon things got worse then ever before. First we were taught to go out and slay creatures good and evil. Then we were send out to kick kobolds, herd goblin to fight 'm and given a chance to slap mundanes silly in Tagor. Now a new thing has been taught, slap a golden floppy with a stick till he goes unconscious and kidnap 'm. To make things worse why don't we sell him into slavery for a ring which breathes?
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Exploding
cows: The wasteland mystery solved!
EAST WOODLANDS — Today, after some research, the wasteland mystery has been solved. Previously monsters where blamed for eating this once green field to oblivion but... Aha! A snake does not eat plants! A bee only seeks nectar from flowers.... So they blame the grasshoppers, hmmm??? No, mantises are predators and don't eat plants, merely insects! So what is it then? "It" are Mileth cattle ranchers! They used their cows to herd there and become fat and round, then they sold 'm for a large amount of gold to the butcher, milk man. All that dung left behind became toxic after the old alchemist joined in dark experiments super-growing the cows for quick money. Now people you understand why a cow exploded in Issue NR 1. Those where experiments of his grandson trying to rediscover his grandpa's secrets. Pirates statistics versus mundane moral: Ranger at the Beach: Pirates
statistics versus mundane moral:
LOURES — 80% of the mundanes believe pirates are spitting on the sidewalk, 85% of the mundanes claim that pirates walking the streets during day is a sight not to be enjoyed. 98% even agree that pirates looting your house is not a pleasant matter. 99% claim that pirates abusing your wife and daughter, murdering your sons and burning your house down can be agreed to be a bad day indeed. Still, only 7% say that a pirate slaying an Aisling is a day for remorse and only 4% believe an Aisling who gets abused, murdered, robbed, looted and burned down is a serious matter. It is believed that Aislings should be more gentle and kind to mundanes or else they will rebel! Buy them a beer, some soup or a good contribution of gold nowadays, to make them smile and marvel over your generosity. Sir Henry Dupain, Court Administrator third degree. Ranger at the Beach: LYNITH BEACH — A ranger today stopped four girls wearing the latest fashion of beachwear. He claimed they displayed indecent behavior and started to frisk the girls for evidence of concealed herbs, spices and shrooms. A guard was called to an alleged sexual harassment charge committed by the ranger, but... Oren bakery had a sell-out of pies, and... well they are guards, ...I mean *sighs* . "Please
believe me when I tell you she didn't mean
a thing... If tomorrow comes and you are here,
go out and get me a beer... I might be drunk
and smelly but my love is strong and clean...
Lets go out and do it like monkeys do..." These are a few lines from the latest hits from Edward the Bard, now available in a Tavern near you. (Musical instruments and artists sold separately) We all know it: you are hacking around and then... darn your belt, necklace or other low durable item is getting wrecked. Here a cut, there a slice, and soon they fall apart into dust. No more! Because now we have Timmy's super glue! Made From Real Crushed Bones, made by four-year-old native boy in a small shack in the tropics. Timmy's super glue, if you want something to stick and don't come off! Also works great for wood, rope and linen cloth (ill-advised to be used to hold underwear in place) Donate your wealth to the guild of pirates, and life a long and healthy life... that is the best we can do on such short notice. "Hello kids, I am Spanky the clown and have I got news for you! Come to your local bakery and buy clowny brownies. The taste finger-licking-good! Clowny brownies, cause they are so great, cause we know what you so hate." (by Shadoel foods company) |
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