Mundane Gazette  
Issues Online
Issue 8 Issue 9      
Issue 8 | (( May 17th 2003)) | As reported by Shilentha  
  News In Brief
Tree gets cut but board remains:
PRAVAT CAVE — Today a new thing happened. Everyone aware of the block ups in Pravat would now notice that the tree has been cut there. Still the board causing most blockage remains. Instead of moving a simple board like 5 yards more to the north or east, a tree got pillaged. Many sad birds, squirrels and dogs cried as their favourite tree was destroyed. Kobold declare war on the mundane for destroying national treasure of kobold heritage.

Goblins interbreed with orcs
LOURES — Rumours have it that orcs are interbreeding with goblins. These so called Ogrilons have heightened speed, intellect and strength. We have seen huge goblins in the battlefield but these new breeds are said to be more lethal! Having all the best aspects of both orc and goblin blood, they are feared warriors, with only one disadvantage. They are insane and kill everything on their side...

Monk wiggles ear of terror:
EAST WASTELAND — An unnamed monk has horrified a large number of people by wiggling his ears in the wasteland in broad daylight. Countless people screamed in terror as the ears moved slightly up and down in rapid succession. The monk was immediately arrested by rangers and locked up in Loures dungeon. The monk, pleading that he was merely was doing a cat's hearing, was then specially charged with cruelty to animals and instilling thoughts of evil.
We had a talk with some of the people involved. Mundane man: “It was horrible he went like arggh.. and in the middle of us all, we... the horror the horror. Mommy, please hug me and make the bad man go away.”
East Woodlands beggar: “Well, I always thought he was a weird fellow but when he suspiciously walked to the wasteland and started doing his demonic deeds I knew I had to call the law. Damn those heretics, daring to making the sign of the Evil Ear.”
Ranger: “Well, it is simple that he was standing still and softly wiggling his ears. I believe this was a case of sleep-wiggling and he was arrested. See the charge that he also pulled ears from cats is not my case, but of my captain. He specialises in dealing with animal cruelty cases.”

Breakthrough in Philosophy:
TEMUAIR — After many deochs of thinking and back-breaking discussion it has finally been proven: If you look at the left you cannot see the right side... So if you hear to the left you cannot hear the right!
Scholars marvel at this new concept which could hurtle them from the dark age into the age of glory and prosperity. When questioned about a certain cat’s hearing, which allows the user to hear around him, it was claimed that demonic deeds should not used be used and that, if god wanted us to have ears like a cat, he would've made us live in one big litter box and we would be eating small birds and mice.

Kedian's Temuair Clock


  Top Story
Nature Studies

Medenia Mundanes as recorded by Groule. Memory copyright DarkAges Library, all rights reserved  
Famine, Fashion and Fame.
MEDENIA — Now the boundaries have been broken and we all sail for Medinia we might have questions about the people there. They look tall, overly colourful and starved. They claim it is the fault of bad harvests, malnutrition and monster raids, but we all know better. They wish to become the first group of supermodels!
The thinner the better and this is a grand new fashion statement.
See, Law invented this to cut down cost of feeding the people. A few gold coins spared buys an extra piece of rope for the catapult or some extra iron for a shield or sword. Also this tactic makes Law think Aislings - as stupid as they are - will follow this idea and starve themselves to a near-death state for beauty and attraction! Another plot of doom exposed by the Mundane Gazette.

Top News
Aisling birth? 

Rucesion demands Mileth Cabbage.

Aisling birth?
MEDENIA — Many young female summoners and bards have been looked at in an odd manner. Their new garbs show signs of pregnancy. Especially the Bell Skirt of the bard shows much of this. When questioning about this behaviour we have had several replies -
Bard: “Well, now you know where children come from. They are bought with pieces of clothing at the shop.”
Mundane:” I think this is horrible, what’s next - them breast feeding children in public?!!”
Gladiator: “Duh... I thought children were born from the cabbage?”
Loures is promising action, by sending inspectors to close-body 'investigate' the concerned female Aislings for evidence.

Rucesion demands Mileth Cabbage.
RUCESION/MILETH — Rucesion officials have soured relations with Mileth demanding free cabbage for all. Milethians normally exporting cabbage to the Rucesionaire have replied that a boycott was announced last evening at Abel tavern.
It seems both mayors from the towns were cussing and screaming hell and brimstone over the grandest scandal since Billy Bob's Bean bag bribery (We all know when Billy Bob bribed all the officials of both towns by giving bean bags for personal favours). Rucesion officials have refused to answer inquiries on the boycott and claim: 'We will prevail and cabbage shall flow freely"'.

Musical Announcement:
After his grand tales containing the glorious hits: "If tomorrow comes and you are here, go out and get me a beer." "I might be drunk and smelly but my love is strong and clean." And of course everyone’s favourite: "Lets go out and do it like monkeys do..."

He has published another masterpiece! Read his latest and sing more songs of the bard we all love. This latest version features more exciting songs like: "My love is like a Cabbage, green but tastes good" or "My heart is aching but I'm still shaking." or this master piece "I didn't know she was your wife; staying alive, staying alive."

Get them now and get yours free only here, to get Edward the bard "real crafted lute" This genuine Lute is free with the scrolls of songs! Order now and get an extra song: "We all want to be free, lets have anarchy" Extra free of charge! ORDER NOW and the second is 50% off!!! 50%! Sale prices negotiable. *Legal Ancient World* enterprises.

Public announcement:
Would all monks or previous monks please report to their local skill master involving Cat's hearing syndrome. Here they will be relieved of this skill or else better be prepared to face the justice of god.

Yellow Pages:
I trade my beans for your cabbage - 10 beans for the price of 1 cabbage, Billy Bob.

For all your home repairs call Sparrow, the nail. If you have a leaking sink or a rotten barrel, I can fix, repair or replace anything for a minor fee. Messages best by left at Tagor inn, Sparrow Inc.

If you want to have a good time and you just love to mime during a rhyme? Festers is the place to be, we can teach you to be a rhyming mime in no time! ('Accidents due to mimes being beaten, broken and liquidated, will not be held responsible and therefore will not be compensated in any manner')

© Copyright 2001-2003 Mundane Gazette., All rights reserved.  
Newspaper Layout Inspiration © The Onion 2001